Licence to print money: This licence will entitle you to borrow the money to buy a hospital, rail network or an air-traffic control system and sell it at three times the price a year later. No qualifications required. Apply G. Brown, PFI, London. gordon@no10.gov.uk

Make a change from Aspen or Barbados this year. Join the 250-mile-high-club. Your unforgettable trip in space from only £12 million. (Snacks provided but bring your own space-suit). Apply - Soyuz corp, Moscow: info@soyuzcorp.com

Husbands are forever! Can't decide between burial and cremation? Why not turn your old man into and attractive pair of durable diamond earings? £10,000 the pair. Exclusively from Sparklingspouses, 13245 Franc Street, Goldenbergen, Switzerland.